


Find a Halt

by farfetched



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Diamond & Pearl & Platinum | Pokemon Diamond Pearl Platinum Versions
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, M/M, Running, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 15:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18524449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farfetched/pseuds/farfetched
Summary: Barry runs from problems he doesn't know how to solve. And this is a big one.





	Find a Halt

_Tell me if anything changes_.

That's what you'd said. To say whether anything had changed with her, around her, anything.

I feel awful for feeling reticent to tell you she'd awoken.  
I'm elated that she's awake, don't get me wrong. I might be her rival but I'm no villain (at least I don't think so) and I, like everyone else, desperately wanted her to wake up.

After all, it couldn't be the dawn of a new age for Sinnoh without Dawn herself, right? But she woke up, opened those eyes finally, and asked where you were. I don't know if she saw me there.

I stand in front of the lab in Sandgem, not as imposing as some things I've seen (Dialga standing above us all, terrified for all our lives in the face of this  _legend_. Her walking towards it as if it were merely a shinx). But no matter what I'm feeling, I take a deep breath, put a massive grin on my face, and count the seconds 'till you abandon me again.

But that's okay.  
I'll just run off and I won't give you the chance.

"Lucas! Lucas! Hey, Lucas!"

* * *

I'm loud. I'm insensitive. I'm annoying, impatient, always onto the next thing.

And so, I do the strangest thing:  _I watch you from afar_.

Something about watching you with her, helping her to walk again, muscles weakened from her coma, makes me ache. Not a good ache, not a I've-been-training-really-hard kind of ache, but a disappointed, lonely one.

And of course, I run to attempt to relieve myself of it.

It never works.

* * *

I want to run in the biggest way. I want to go south, fly to Kanto, Johto, maybe even Hoenn, and get the fresh air.

Even in Snowpoint, the air is choking, suffocating, I can't even think.

I was looking it up yesterday, in the library, poring over maps (I know, me in a library, it's amazing) and how far it would be. Maybe I'll just stop in the intermediary bits without a league and just rest (or as much as someone like me can).

My bones keep humming with a crying sense that I don't want to be here.  _I want to leave I want to leave I want to leave_  they chant, and I'm inclined to agree.

I just want to be anywhere else.

* * *

Of course, I didn't tell anyone that I've left: I never do, do I? Just silently prepared and went.

I'm somewhere between Sinnoh and Kanto now, closer to Sinnoh, and I land because I'm getting hungry and Staraptor is getting tired.

It's so refreshing here.

* * *

I eventually make it to Kanto, and stick around for a while. It's a nice place. But what's even better is that I'm not overshadowed by you or Dawn. Here, there's no 'you're the friend of that girl who saved Sinnoh!' or 'you should be more responsible like Lucas'. There's none of that 'cause they don't know who I am, and as an extra bonus I don't have to see you and her being all close and romantic together.

Which was the worst bit about Sinnoh. Just everywhere I went, it was always about you two, never just me, and I know that you deserve it, but I don't want to be your hanger-on, I don't want to always be a lesser being compared to you two!

Seriously, I would have thought in an entire region I could avoid you.

* * *

They like my pokemon here, since they've never seen some of them before. I met a kid here, who apparently was the Champion (just like you, Dawn) and he was interested in talking about Sinnoh, he'd heard about it on his radio watch thing (have to get me one of those) and he wanted to visit. I told him to go ahead, but to watch out for Snowpoint - it's so cold! Mind you, he said that he scaled Mt Silver (massive freezing mountain, I think) to fight some guy, so maybe he'd cope better than I do.

I'm not sure if I feel guilty about not telling him about you two, but then he (Ethan, and his eyes are amazingly expressive. Or just amazing.) invites me out for coffee and things go a little strange but good, man it's so easy to forget you when I'm drowning in Ethan's eyes and kissing him.

Kanto and Johto are even better than I thought.

* * *

It didn't last, not that I expected it to. He'd already said that he had this rival/pseudo-friend, and said rival came back and looked jealous about it all. I think Ethan liked him after all, but I'm not too bitter about it, because secretly, I liked someone else (you, why is that anyway) too, and although I would have been quite happy to stay with him, Silver was going to get very possessive if I didn't leave within the week or so. Ethan said I could stay, but I told him I was used to running, and winked at him to pursue Silver. (He got embarrassed, but said he would. I'm glad I'm not leaving someone alone, not like you)

Hoenn's looking like a nice option right now.

* * *

It's sunny! Sunnier than Sinnoh in any case. I'd send you a postcard but I'm not sure you'd care, and if you did you might come after and I'm quite happy with my Lucas-free regions. (though it gets lonely sometimes, in the middle of the night knowing I won't ever share any of this with you)

They have different pokémon again down here. They also have a girl Champion, another one who saved the region by capturing some green dragon from the sky (Rayquaza, I'm told) and stopping two warring legendaries. Sounds like pretty major stuff, she must be as solid as Dawn to cope with that. I didn't get to see or speak to her, since she's pretty busy.

They have contests here too, but they're a slightly different affair from back in Sinnoh (I can't believe it's been a year or even two since I left.), as far as I can tell.

And then, the only warning being seeing your hat just before your face, I walk smack into you. I thought I'd left that habit behind, but evidently not. More than ever I want to run. You look furious. Running doesn't solve anything, I remind myself as I ache again, like I haven't done much since I left. (not since leaving Ethan behind. I'll admit, it stung)

But I run anyway.  
You cause a scene, chasing after me and yelling, I've never seen you so angry and now I just run and run and maybe I'll lose you again, and then I'll run some more because it's painful and why'd you come after me, tears run down my face but I don't stop.

But apparently, being angry gives you a speed boost, you never used to be able to catch me.

I'm lonely already, you don't have to show your stupid face to me to make me know that, I hate you but I don't...

You yell at me. Tell me I'm completely irresponsible, erratic, unpredictable.  
Why am I still in love with you, Lucas? What is it about you that gets me? Why can I never run far enough to forget, fast enough to stop thinking of you, hard enough to stop the pain of this? Why is it so damn tiring? Why are you dragging me back to Sinnoh?

All these questions, and I can't even ask you a single one.

* * *

Mom and Dad are angry and relieved in equal measure, I think. They yell but then embrace me, and tell me to tell them next time. Fair enough. I forgot about telling them last time. You watch it with an odd look, although I suppose you think there shouldn't be a next time.

You take me to see Dawn. She smacks me for leaving, she thought I was dead or kidnapped (I hate myself for thinking it seems artificial), then immediately thanks you for bringing me back. Always you, with her. I feel like I'm choking on air, on these feelings that just won't go away no matter where I run, and then I am, and I run like always, but you catch me just outside the league, ask where I was going ( _Where are you going Barry? Leaving us again?_  Like it's alright to get all pretentious about it) and when I say it's to visit a friend you don't even believe me, maintaining your hold on my wrist (let go let go  _let GO_ ). I'm like a fish, Lucas, I can only breath when I'm moving so let me go right now, else I'll scream and then you silence me with a kiss, shoving me against one of the trees.

What?

I don't understand, why would you... When you're with Dawn, unless you're not, and...

Why is it everything I've dreamed of? Why does it feel so good, so, so painless, so relieving? I should hate you for leaving me behind, except maybe I left you and you pull back, whisper that I never gave you a chance, don't I know how hard you searched for me?

Did I misconstrue the whole thing?

How do you manage to be so confusing every single time? I don't know anything, but you don't let me ask, kissing me again and I wonder how you know I want this, then notice how I'm responding with as much vigour as you, and although I swear at the guy shouting for us to get a room, I can't help but think it's a good idea.

And I finally realise that maybe  _I'm_  the idiot in this equation.

**Author's Note:**

> Ported from ff.net. The choppy/inconsistent writing is intentional, I swear, to reflect how Barry is. Come to think, Barry probably isn't neurotypical, but that's a thought for another day. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
